The Super Bowl is a wonderful event that brings families and friends together to bond over good food and subpar TV. It is so special, in fact, because it is the only time of the year when people specifically get together to watch commercials and skip the actual program. It is a real-life opposite day! Plus, how many people are actually fans of the teams playing anyways?
Yet, here we are, coming together to watch two teams we have never heard of, or support, tackle each other for a silver football. That is what I call true fellowship. Of course, it can get a little heated when the team you randomly picked to cast your bets on decides to be incapable of a good play, but that is what football is all about—healthy competition and yelling at people. Super Bowl Sunday is just a day full of laughter and happiness, mixed with the sounds of that one guy in the jersey who keeps yelling nonsense at the TV because he is too into it.
People not only take most of the weekend to prepare for Super Bowl Sunday, but will also have to spend the Monday after recovering. Turns out, this Monday’s absenteeism will cost employers up to $4 billion, according to Ruth Umoh of CNBC. That is 17 million employees calling in "sick." But hey, it is worth it to watch George Washington and the Sheep battle it out for that silver football which, by the way, will earn the champion $191,000. This number sure seems a bit small compared to the amount of money lost by employers but, once again, totally worth it. The only depressing thing is very few people care about the game.
Does anyone actually remember a single play from the Super Bowl? Probably not. However, if you ask anyone what their favorite advertisement was from the day, they will quote it word for word. People are more interested in the breaks between the game than the game itself.
Who can resist those Budweiser puppy commercials, though? And do not even get me started on the E-Trade baby. There is really an astounding amount of work put into these ads. The producers have to work so hard each and every year to make people want to watch the Super Bowl. Sadly, despite how wonderfully cute and hilarious these commercials are, they are suffering. According to David Bauder of the Associated Press for the Boston Globe, Super Bowl views were down a whole 7 percent last year.
There could be a solution to this tragic loss of viewers: get rid of the football part. Most people just want to watch the commercials anyway, why not make them last for the whole four hours instead of interrupting them with the game?
This solution could solve so many problems. If there is no game, there is no one to get overly disappointed about losing, and no reason to be depressed the Monday after, making more people actually go to work and thus saving lots of money. Plus, all we need more of Liam Neeson playing "Clash of Clans" in our lives. This solution literally solves everything, so let us make it happen, people. The Commercial Bowl: (hopefully) coming soon.